Song to a Siren…

I have a long lasting love-affair with a song. The song is called “A song to the siren” performed by This Mortal Coil. It was a long long time ago when i was 11 year-old kid, collecting records and interesting films, that were phohibited to me by my parents. And one day i went to that market near my appartments and bought Lynch’s “Lost Highway” (though it was a bit heavy for my mind back then..). While watching the film it was like “Bang” and i’ve heard the song, i was hypnotized by that voice. I’ve remembered each word. I went to the store again to buy a soundtrack. But i didn’t found the song on the official OST. And i got very very sad cause i even didn’t know the name of the band or anything that could help me in finding it. At the same time i was lurning to play guitar with an amazing teacher. Once he brought me a casette with Cocteau Twins “Blue Bell Know” and “Four Calendar Cafe” on it. I fell in love with the band. At that time i had no internet in here. And it was impossible to buy and download music with i-net. 7 years later. I got to the Cd store to buy some records and found a Mp3 Cd of Cocteau Twins (the bonus was This Mortal Coil’s album). I was increadibly happy to listen to their other albums. And you know what when i’ve heard that song again i almost felt unconscious. That’s how i finally found it.)))

Later i’ve decided to translate it into russian, for people who maybe can’t understand the original language..here it is..

В бескрайнем и диком океане
Я не мог уловить улыбки на губах,
Пока твои поющие глаза и нежные пальцы
Ни заманили меня своими чарами..
И ты пела “плыви сюда, плыви ко мне,
позволь мне заполнить тебя”
И вот он я, падаю в эту бездну..
Мечтал ли я, что ты мечтаешь обо мне?
Была ли ты рядом, когда я плавал вслепую?
Теперь моя обманутая лодка поймала крен, любовь разбилась о твои камни..
Ты поешь “не прикасайся, приходи завтра..”
И мое сердце разрывается от тоски..
Я озадачен как младенец, опутан твоими чарами,
Вспенен как океан, как волны..
Должен ли я бороться с судьбой разбившихся
или отдаться в твои руки.
Услышь как я пою “плыви ко мне, плыви ко мне, заполни меня.
И вот он я, готов поддаться твоим чарам.”

the great change-over

I was wondering what am i going trough?! A tough period? A complete closedown of barricades within myself? A change of mind? A hurricane in a tightly closed room? My vision has changed and i’ve started to see some extra-colours. I was searching for the real me. It was difficult to recognise. I was fighting. I’ve set a quarantine. I wanted to see nobody around. Guess it’s hard to understand, that we grow up so differently, even beeing placed into equal conditions. Everybody should know – there is no equal conditions. It’s a metaphor. You’ve got your best friends, people you can trust, but there is something you cannot share. It’s not always about dark secrets, no. To be honest there’s not so many dark secrets that i hide, just secrets, a little mystery. But with a flow of time you start to forget: how it’s like – to share. And you grow havier with your mind closed. So you start to search for other ways of expressing yourself and clearing your background. The thing is that not everybody can have a  frank conversation with themselves. Who am i? What do i want? What i’m dreaming about? What is my background like? What am i to do to be where i want? What should i do to get what i want? What i can sacrifice in the name of my dream? And many other questions you should ask yourself first before starting to move to the outer circle. And there’s one thing you better do before getting there – keep your inner circle closed. That’s for your mental safety. When i meet people i always know that their face is covered by a vail (or mask – call it as you like) they gently put on every morning to present oneselves to the society justice. We all play games. But with ourselves – we take a rest. Whether we want it or we need it. People always want to seem somebody, but sometimes forget about beeing somebody. When the difference between these two meaning become too wide – the conflict is at it’s highest point. And the time is never forgeting to run..no matter how i want to change it. The wounds are healing, they are not bleeding anymore. But scars are left. Memories are transfering from conscience to subconscience. I was scared of myself sometimes. I was sorry for myself sometimes. I was on my way to learn how to love myself right, before i will love anybody else. This will be honest. And growin up..sometimes takes a little longer than teen age…
http://player.soundcloud.com/player.swf?url=http%3A%2F%2Fapi.soundcloud.com%2Ftracks%2F3120450&show_comments=true&auto_play=false&color=bb63cb :know who you are at every age:cocteau twins

November evenings in Saint-Petersburg

22:22. You dart out of your appartments. To buy some cigarettes. Not for yourself. It’s Wednesday evening in November. It should be much colder outside this time of the year, but now it’s raining heavily, most of the day, and it seems like your favourite black leather jacket will keep you warm, but it won’t happen cause dank and foggy air sent goose bumps all over your body and lightened windows only intensify this feeling. Even fashionable flamboyant rubber boots’re feeble to make you a little more cheerful. Damn..You grin to yourself cause you start to imagine you’re staring some Jeremiah S. Chechik film..,”Diabolique” for instance, as Adjani or Stone heroine. Ready to die or ready to kill. No matter. Just a feeling. Green, Red and Yellow lights reflects from flooded pavement as you pass through a familiar junction. The rows of cars are getting short. And it would be better if  “The Trinity Sessions” softly poured out of your headphones. But instead of it you hear the city itself. Crying. And making you wanna do the same. But ofcourse you won’t. The soul of the city is definitely hidden  here, in Petrogradskaya storona, and if there were no cars and neon signboards – you wouldn’t be so sure about certainty of the epoch you live in. It’s like you got lost in time. Such a cool feeling. The door of the market is opened. A long queue of despondent people are waiting for someting. You’re waiting for your turn. Most of them are going to buy something with alcohol. As always. You’re here for tabacco and tangerines. All alone enclosed by drunkers. Funny. And when you left, a flux of strange thoughts are rushing your brains. Like an old dog digging out his beloved bone, one thought will reach it’s destination. And then trouble signaling will start to shout louder and louder. Don’t dig yourself too deep, cause it may turn out that after a long and exhausting scan for problems in the end you’ll find a swamp… which was the real foundation for a very beautiful city..So now change the direction, improve your decorations and take yourself to some smoky bar with the best music in the whole city and succumb someone who succumbs you.

 paintings by Leonid Afremov

My Little Birthday Wish-List

In a long memory this is the first Birthday Wish-List i’ve ever made, even not sure if it’ll work..)) But creating this feels like a lotta fun and pleasure anyway, DREAMY DREAMY DREAMY process. To tell the truth..i’ma little bit afraid of birthdays, of years running..and of course the bigger preasent could be ever made is eternal youth, unfortunately we’re not living in sience fiction..Awww. Though, some little human things can make it easier..))) So, those friends, who was asking me what do i want…now will be able to scan my mind!) And of course i won’t list anything unreal… Let’s start!

1)Make-Up brushes from MAC or Bobbie Brown

 

2) light loose powder from MAC

 

3) brows a-go-go pallete from benefit

4) ANYTHING from limecrime!

5) any of these t-shirts of my dream

 

from www.audreykitchingcouture.com

 6) Yourself and your smile is essential!!!)

Pain’s not ashamed to repeat itself.

“I had a dream. In fact, it was on the night I met you. In the dream, there was our world, and the world was dark because there weren’t any robins and the robins represented love. And for the longest time, there was this darkness. And all of a sudden, thousands of robins were set free and they flew down and brought this blinding light of love. And it seemed that love would make any difference, and it did. So, I guess it means that there is trouble until the robins come.”

P.S. Guess where is IT from!?

Moleskine. Passions.

This is for those who still need to touch things. For people who still like to read books. For guys who still like to hold a cd or vinyl before playing a song. And for those who are careful with thing that he/she loves. Passionate. Ofcourse we can go to a store and buy an iPad with a lot of usefull apps, and this is so digital, so up-to-date.  Sometimes i just miss retro things so much. So i bought my new Moleskine Passion Music. Hehe.)

Let’s take a ride that lasts forever…?!

“Life’s like a ride in an amusement park. We go on it and think it’s real ’cause that’s how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and round and round. It has thrills and chills and it’s very brightly colored and it’s very loud and it’s fun, for a while. Some have been on the ride for a long time and they begin to question, is this real, or is this just a ride? And other people have remembered, and they come back to us, they say, “Hey, don’t worry, don’t be afraid, ever, because, this is just a ride…” And we kill those people. “Shut him up. I’ve got a lot invested in this ride. Shut him up! Look at my furrows of worry. Look at my big bank account and my family. This has to be real.” It’s just a ride. But we always kill those good guys who try and tell us that, you ever notice that? We let the demons run amok. But it doesn’t matter because, it’s just a ride. And we can change it anytime we want. It’s only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings and money. Just a choice, right now, between fear and love.”– Bill Hicks

turns me on

“Noisy guitars with interesting tones, vocals that go from dreamy to manic, distorted bass, unique songs that are catchy enough to be pop but dark enough to be dirges, lyrics that make you wonder if the writer is a genius, on the verge of an emotional break down, or the criminally insane.” This quote belongs to Jessicka of Jack Off Jill, but it is the most accurate words to describe what i want from music, i mean songwriting.

LOVEsick (for all the ladies)

“i’m sorry. i’m jealous for the first time in my live. i want you. she has you. what’s the deal? i’m a bitch, but not enough to steal you from her.”

Is this a familiar feeling???

story #2

@LIEN, “Everytime I hear from you I have a strong feeling of deja vu. This is neither material nor digital. And even not a creature of Mark Jacobs. You speak to me with thousands of voices on thousands of languages.”